Man: …I’m saying, you’ve passed out, and then the cat eats you. So just don’t pass out. –1 Train Overheard by: Dan Dickinson Drunk woman: …so I had the 6 pounds of meat for the meatloaf and I’m stirring. It was for like 15 people–I had the whole family over–and I turn away for one minute. I came back to find my daughter stirring it, but she had poured in Meow Mix cat food. So me and my mother start picking the cat food out (it was the seafood flavored one) but there was too much in it. So I just put it in the oven, and while everyone was eating it I kept singing the Meow Mix song under my breath. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law asked for the recipe afterwards. –LIRR to Penn Station Overheard by: Jax
Drunk Suit #1: You do realize that we’re going to jail for this, right?
Drunk Suit #2: Yeah, I know.
Drunk Suit #1: I mean, Powers is dead! –Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Drunk guy: You're not looking too good, are you okay to drive?
Drunk guy: Those officers can suck my dick.
Drunk girl: Those officers will not suck your dick, and they never will.
–W 238th & Waldo Ave
Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?
–Starbucks, Sheridan Square
Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…
–Downtown 6 Train
Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!
–49th St, Astoria
Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!
Drunk brunette #1 to cop: We're what you call us… Badge bangers!
Drunk brunette #2: Yeah!
–Canal & Centre
Overheard by: Tits McGhee
Drunk teenage girl, yelling: Just so all of you guys know, I am underage! (long pause, then to friend) Shit, I just told them we are underage! (long pause, then to woman) Hey, you! I love your hair!
Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.
Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: cisium
Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!
Overheard by: Best line I heard all night
Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!
–2nd Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz
Kid on cell: So I rubbed it really hard and really fast… and I made her throw up.
–Marble Hill High School
Drinker to friend, while playing flip cup: I will throw up in your pussy wagon.
–Whiskey Tavern, Chinatown
Woman: I'm really glad it wasn't the Prozac making her throw up… just her other meds.
–33rd St & Park Ave
Girl: My uterus is vomiting!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Drunk guy: I want a definitive answer… Yes or no. I just want to hear you say “I want to be with you.”
Embarrassed sober girl: Dan, I want to be with you.
Drunk guy: That's all I wanted to hear… I want to go down on you.
Embarrassed sober girl: Shhh!
Drunk guy: I want to lick your vagina. I want to lick your vagina!
Embarrassed sober girl: Be quiet!
Drunk guy: Do you want me to cum on you?
Drunk 20-something #1: Oh, I blame it completely on them.
Drunk 20-something #2: Why is that?
Drunk 20-something #1: Because they started it. They took out the tequila. I wound up playing quarters with my aunts and my grandmother. It's all their fault I was such a slut.
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Feeling awkward…