Archive for the ‘Drunks’ Category

It’s Pronounced Schwartz (Happy Halloween!)

Drunk girl #1: So I think I am going to go as something I totally hate for Halloween.
Drunk girl #2: What are you going as?
Drunk girl #1: I think I am either going as a Jew or a Chinese person
or a tourist.
Drunk girl #2: Hey, you know I am Jewish, don’t you?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t care, I am definitely going as a Jew.
Drunk girl #2: Shots? –37th & 3rd Overheard by: Brian McCormick

You Can Always Tell the Conductors Who Used to Teach Public School

Train conductor on “drunk train” from Penn Station: To your right, you will see a big shiny train. If you are changing to the train to Port Jeff, get off of this train, and get on that shiny train. If you are changing to the train to Montauk, walk through the big shiny train, until you see an even *bigger* shiny train. The train to Montauk will have not one, but two big shiny levels. That is the train to Montauk. So remember: Port Jeff?
Conductor and herd of drunken fools: Shiny train!
Conductor: Montauk?
Drunken fools: Bigger shiny train! Woooo! –LIRR, Jamaica Station Overheard by: Sarah

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey. –Port Authority Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey. –45th & 5th Overheard by: Mr. Pink Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey! –BB King Concert, Christ United Church Overheard by: bb Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey! –A Train Overheard by: JoshBob