Archive for the ‘Duane Reade’ Category

Don’t We All, Buddy

New Indian cashier: I don’t have any change. How do I get more change?
Old Indian cashier: Call on the intercom for the manager to come to the front.
New Indian cashier, over intercom: Manager to the front, please. I need change, please. I badly need change. –Duane Reade, 50th & Broadway

I’m Not Sure a Finger Is a Comprehensive Response

Soccer mom: I dropped a twenty dollar bill last time I was in here, like, two weeks ago. Did anybody find it and turn it in?
Cashier: Ya know, we’ve gotten so many twenties turned in this month, you’re going to have to identify yours. Whats the serial number? –Duane Reade, Columbus Ave Overheard by: Veronica at

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Mean It Like That

NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it. –NYU Overheard by: kat Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side. –Walgreens, Atlantic Ave Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck! –Szechuan Restaurant Overheard by: tallierand Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls. –Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows Overheard by: evan FM College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!" –USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Father to younger son: So you like second base right? –Douglaston Market, Queens Overheard by: Noelle

Everything Seems to Happen to Him

Counter lady: ‘Cause they look and talk like a woman, sometimes more than a woman! They be taking pills, shots…gives ’em a voice like a woman. I don’t want you getting in something. You might kill somebody finding out it’s not a woman.
Floor guy: Yeah, right.
Counter lady: Don’t be saying that can’t happen. It happened to a friend of my girlfriend’s boyfriend. –Duane Reade, 57th & 6th

Shade-Grown, Slow-Roasted Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee." –86th St & Lexington Overheard by: TINA Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores! –Duane Reade Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon? –PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn Overheard by: Torgo61 Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee! –Arthur Avenue Overheard by: eternal student Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup. –Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St