Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Alyssa
Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!
–Starbucks, 8th & 39th
Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!
–Times Square
Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best
Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…
–Duane Reade
Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.
–48th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca
Archive for the ‘e-Bay’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Wear Heels in Bed
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
If You Buy Thom Yorke, You Get Stuck With a Radiohead Album
Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great musician, because that guy looks like my dog's ass.
Guy: If your dog's ass looks like Thom Yorke, I suggest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would never sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heartbeat.
Girl: You can't sell animals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog's leash and throw in the dog for free.
–Fordham Ram Van
Overheard by: sromeo
Congratulations — You Have Successfully Befriended Wednesday One-Liners
Man: I don’t really use Facebook anymore… Except to booty-call poke.
–Starbucks, 6th Ave
Chick: If I die, I don’t want a Facebook group in my memory. It’s tacky.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: Sarah
Web guy: I’d say my mouse hand is ‘strong’ to ‘very strong.’
–46th & 6th
German man to another: [Rambles in German, then] EBay is sin! A sin, I tell you!
–H&M, 34th St
Overheard by: Melissa Coppola
Math teacher who looks like Ali G: So, I took a ‘How ghetto are you?’ quiz on Facebook. Turns out I’m only 61 percent ghetto.
–Bronx Science
Thug to thugette: Fall back — you never know when people gonna be postin’ what you said on the Internet.
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: katattack
And Cut Off Your Cookie Pipeline? I Think Not
Mother: Honey, save the cookies for later.
Little girl: You’re so mean! I’m gonna sell you on eBay!
–6 train, 59th St
Overheard by: effie
The Last Sensible eBay Decision She Will Ever Make
Woman: I’m going to become such an eBay addict.
Friend: Yeah?
Woman: Well, maybe I should wait until I know if I got the job.
–43rd St & Lex
Overheard by: Beeeej
That’s a Horrible Thing to Call Her
Queer #1: I should have known you had that one.
Queer #2: Yeah, I mean, I have every Barbra Streisand recording ever.
Queer #1: I shouldn’t have gotten that for you; it was such a stupid gift.
Queer #2: No, I’ll just sell the old one on eBay.
–1 train
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
eBay Has Missionaries Now
Guy #1: Hey, is your guitar nice?
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty nice.
Guy #1: I’ll take your word for it. I’m gonna get $300 for it in about an hour.
–F train
User ID: Golden_Gurlz
Guy #1: Yo, them pants is hot, where’d you get ‘em?
Guy #2: Muthafuckin’ eBay, nigga!
–7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Eve’s droppings