Old lady #1: His head was between my legs.
Old lady #2: Was he big?
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Priscilla Perez
Archive for the ‘Eating Out’ Category
Haha! You Said “Wednesday One-Liners”!
Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.
–Statistics lecture, Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.
–Upscale hair salon
NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?
–NYU
Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Catherine
Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred
Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”
Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Caitlin
Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.
–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop
Overheard by: just visiting
Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat Darcy
German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…
–Frost St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: jayloo
Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Izabela
Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: Kris S.
Just Tell Him No Dessert
30-ish woman #1: So he’s never went down on you — no big deal. Young guys are like that.
30-ish woman #2: But he’s twelve…
–Times Square
When You Work It In, You Have to Work It Out
Guy: … And then she gets all pissed because I wouldn’t go down on her after we made love.
Female friend: Did she orgasm?
Guy: Well, no, but I really didn’t want to get my own semen all over my face!
Female friend: She gets your semen all over her face all the time!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: agrees with the woman.
I Put Them on My Hands Like Puppets and Pretended They Were Moaning
Girl #1: When Jeff ate me out, all I was wearing were my socks.
Girl #2: That’s sad…
–J train
Overheard by: Mona
Well, They Are Crackers
Dark-skinned immigrant: I had oral sex with two white women. My first time with white women.
Friend: How was it?
Dark-skinned immigrant: Ummm… Salty.
–Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Eh, I’d Say Their Average Grade’s an Oral-B
Early-20′s girl #1: Well, how’s the sex?
Early-20′s girl #2: [Mumbling.]
Early-20′s girl #1: Hmmm, but oral sex? Is he good at that? I hear guys are very bad at giving oral sex.
–Häagen-Dazs, Park Slope
According to My Life-Coach
Black guy: You know what I need to do? I need to eat yo’ pussy on the train. I got head three times on the train already.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Black guy: That’s what I need to do. I need to eat yo’ pussy on the train.
–F train
Overheard by: Jofo
A Courier Will Deliver Further Instructions
Chubby Asian girl: I just don’t know, Dani* — if you start out giving him head, I don’t see what I’m supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s’posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s Pl