Archive for the ‘Eating Out’ Category

Well I've Been Trying to Cut Back on MSG

Woman to younger boyfriend: Honey, that Chinese food that you brought over is still in my fridge. I was going to throw it out.
Younger boyfriend: No, I'll eat it.
Woman: You don't think it's gone bad?
Boyfriend: It's only two days old. You're 31, and you haven't gone bad yet.
Woman: That makes no sense, and in any event, you haven't eaten me in a while either.

–Upper East Side

Almost As Good As When the Gay Guys Do It

Overexcited white male: She just pulls my bathing suit down and starts…and then she lifts up my legs and starts licking my asshole!
Fascinated white male (laughing): Whaaaat?! …so, what did it feel like?
Overexcited white male: Dude, I'm not gonna' lie, it felt kind of good. Like a tickling, tingling sensation.

–C Train

Overheard by: tom o

If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy.

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Jeff

Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!


–Spring & W Broadway


Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Haha! You Said “Wednesday One-Liners”!

Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.

–Statistics lecture, Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.

–Upscale hair salon

NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?

–NYU

Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.


–Wagner College


Overheard by: Catherine

Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred