Archive for the ‘Education’ Category

God! The Sense of Entitlement These Kids Have

Teacher #1: What do they want me to do with my students? They expect me to be able to teach them and they are always late or absent.
Teacher #2: Yeah, my students are always getting shot or something and then they want special treatment and a make-up test.
Teacher #1: Yeah, I know what you mean — they must be gang members.

–86th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Can Still Lead a Normal Life

Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"

–13th & Broadway

Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.

–Cafe Esperanto

Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!

–R Train

Overheard by: going to the clinic

Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.

–Columbia University

20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…

–34th between 2nd and 3rd

Overheard by: LadyEDdy

Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!


–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University


Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!

–Blue Hill Restaurant

What's Comfortable About Being Face to Face With a Stranger?

Professor: So when humans evolved to bipedalism and were walking on two legs instead of four, their sexual practices changed and they began to have face to face sex.
Guy in back of class: Well, I mean… it's not always face to face.
Professor: Well, it tends to be the most common and most comfortable way for bipeds to have sex.
(long pause)
Professor
: I assume by your silence that you disagree.


–Barnard

Overheard by: You had to say that to the Prof???

Those Who Can’t Teach Gym Become President

Big guy: My grandmother is a science teacher, my father is a math teacher, and my brother is going to be a professor.
Little chick: And you want to be an actor — what a disappointment.
Big guy: Well, if the acting thing doesn’t work out, I’ll be a gym teacher, because those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Overheard by: teetee

Guess That Explains Why Your Grades Have Started to Sag

Loud Dominican kid #1: Yo, that girl Adriana…
Loud Dominican kid #2: Who, that white girl?
Loud Dominican kid #3: Yeahhhh, with the big titties?
Loud Dominican kid #1: Yeaaahhh, she was, like, leaning over helpin' me with a problem and I was like “yeaaahhhh…”
Loud Dominican kid: Word?
Loud Dominican kid #2: She got like c-cups…
Loud Dominican kid #3: Wait, I don't, like, know the alphabet…

–L Train

Overheard by: Larson

Getting Educated (A NYC Short Story)

Two black guys get onto the train with congo drums and play. Drums guy #1: Yo, thanks y’all for listenin’. We hope you can donate something to our cause to support our music. Let me tell y’all something…I’m gonna teach you something you ain’t gonna get from no college, from no book, from no studyin’, from no professor…you could have all the money and richness in the world, but if you have compassion, then you are the richest person in the world. You gotta have compassion for your fellow human beings–man, everything is relative–and once you realize that, then you understand compassion!…See, this gentleman here, he didn’t like our music and that’s cool. You didn’t like it, did you sir?
Suit: Actually, I did.
Drums guy #1: Aw, man! You shouldn’t have said that! That makes it worse that you don’t wanna help support our music! You don’t understand what it’s like out here.
Suit: Yes, I do. I’m a musician too. We’re all trying to make it.
Drums guy #1: Man! How can you say that? We like brothers, man. We connected. You know…you like my brother and you don’t wanna help a brother out…That’s rude…It’s like if you get a band and you got all your instruments and like, the curtain goes up, and you conducting them and shit, and you tell them to play and then there’s no sound! Man, we connected; don’t you know what that means?
Suit: It means I have a college degree and you don’t. –1 train Overheard by: Mikey