Gay Man #1: I like your coat.
Gay Man #2: Where did you get it?
Gay Man #1: Gucci.
Gay Man #2: Gucci, Gucci, Goo!
–Elevator, Manhattan
Archive for the ‘Elevators’ Category
“Sorry, I’m used to having others behind me.”
Queer #1: When’s the only time you’re supposed to walk in front of a woman?
Queer #2: Let me think…
Queer #1: If you’re walking down the stairs. That way, if she falls you can break her fall and catch her. So when you came on this elevator in front of this young lady, you were being rude!
–Midtown elevator
“…so that’s why I’m lactating!”
Fashionista guy: Did you hear about Ange?
Fashionista girl: No, what?
Fashionista guy: She’s pregnant!
Fashionista girl: Oh my god! The whole world is pregnant!
Fashionista guy: Seriously.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard in the Headlines
An elevator equipped with a TV monitor shows a news segment of a man who just rescued a person swept away by floodwaters in California.
Yuppie Prick #1: Wow, that guy is fat. Can you imagine him saving anyone?
Yuppie Prick #2: Nope!
Fat Bystander: Not unless it was your miserable ass in the water, and he was savin’ you, jerkoff!
–Midtown elevator
“I wasn’t lying, I swear!”
Girl #1: Who’s Rob?
Girl #2: The one with the girlfriend…You know! The one who was right front and center when my pants caught on fire.
–Elevator, 50th & Broadway
“The black eye is from the BF, I think.”
NYU Girl #1: Oh my god! I was so drunk this weekend, and now my legs are covered in bruises. They look terrible, you have no idea. I don’t even know how I got them.
NYU Girl #2: Ha, ha! I love when that happens. I love drunk bruises.
–NYU Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
The Definition of Pollution
Drunk Girl: Ha ha, I’m talking so loud. I’m making such ear pollution.
Drunk Guy: Nooo, it’s called noise pollution…
Drunk Girl: But like, what is noise pollution?
Drunk Guy: I dunno…I think it’s like when you’re vulgar, so I try not to curse all the time. That way, when I say like “oh fuck” everyone will be all like “Whoaaaaaa.”
–NYU Dorm Elevator
Overheard by: Stephanie
Does FHM Give You Hep-A, Too?
Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?
–Midtown elevator
And Then There's the Heroin…
Skinny girl: Ohmigod, I should be like a plus-size model!
Skinnier girl: You look great!
Skinny girl: You are sooo skinny! What do you do?
Skinnier girl: I don't eat more than like a thousand calories a day.
–Elevator, MSG Suites
Dr. Watson: Egad, Holmes!
Bored-sounding blond student: Hey, I like your sandals.
Bored-sounding brunette student: Hey, thanks. I like yours, too.
(long pause)
Bored-sounding blond student: I think we have the same sandals.
Bored-sounding brunette student: Yeah.
–Elevator, FIT