Archive for the ‘Elevators’ Category

They Used to Be

Guy: So you went out with this great guy, and then he just told you he’s a girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: I just love having these crazy conversations in the elevator, and everyone thinks you’re insane. Doors open. Everyone gets out. Guy: This is your floor? Oh no! Those people are your neighbors! –Elevator, 96th & Columbus

Someone Has to Set Our Gender Back

College girl #1: Yeah, she’s afraid to go out anywhere. She always thinks she’s going to get raped.
College girl #2: I don’t understand the big deal about rape. If it happened to me I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, it was bound to happen.’
College girl #3: Haha, you’d probably like it.
College girl #2, nodding: Yeah, I would. –Elevator in apartment building Overheard by: Neil

Wanna Bet?

Girl #1: Just stop thinking about it, god.
Girl #2: I can't…it's just new, and big to swallow, y'know?
Girl #1: Well, I'm sure he's not thinking about it all the time. –Elevator, 5th Ave Overheard by: Kyle

Welcome Back to School, New York

Girl: Yo! What we did in English today? –24th between 7th & 8th Orientation girl: We have three orientations going on right now: Gallatin, CAS and Stern. GSP orientation starts next week.
Guy: GSP? Isn’t that the special ed NYU? –Elevator, NYU Kimmel Center Girl on cell: Well, what do you think I should wear?…Nah, I mean isn’t the first day of school a sort of wear underwear day? –86th & Lex

If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners

Young black lady to friend: I am so happy this is my last week! I hate New York City! Everybody is so rude! Today I nearly punched somebody in the face! –Elevator, Midtown Overheard by: thorn Metro guy, singing: If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, get a paper. If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it. If you're happy and you know it, get a Metro. –Penn Station Overheard by: erkala Six-year-old boy to mom: The things in cave paintings don't always look happy. –81st & 1st Overheard by: Tim Obvious lawyer, on Yom Kippur: My finger is happy to have the day off. –32nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: k

Overheard in the Headlines

An elevator equipped with a TV monitor shows a news segment of a man who just rescued a person swept away by floodwaters in California. Yuppie Prick #1: Wow, that guy is fat. Can you imagine him saving anyone?
Yuppie Prick #2: Nope!
Fat Bystander: Not unless it was your miserable ass in the water, and he was savin’ you, jerkoff! –Midtown elevator