Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
–45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
–6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
–23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alexandra
Archive for the ‘Erections’ Category
Doesn't Look Good for the Public Healthcare Option
20-something-guy: Obama condoms, for long and hard times!
Tourist mom: What's an Obama condom?
Tourist dad: I have no idea.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Shannon
No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love
50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Funky Monkey
Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!
–2nd Ave & 9th
Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!
–Times Square
Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?
–Astor Place
Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!
–Babies"R"Us, Union Square
Overheard by: miziz
Police Arrested the Third Kid for Felony Enabling
Kid #1: It's so hard!
Kid #2: That's what she said!
(kid #3 high fives kid #2)
Kid #1: That sucked.
Kid #2: So does your mom!
Kid #3: Yeah! (high fives kid #2)
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: soixantedeux
This Cannot End Well
10-year old boy: Hey Melissa, I'm wearing a cup.
7-year old girl: Really? Where? Can I feel?
10-year old boy: Over my who-who, yeah you can.
7-year old girl, grabbing cup: Oh, I like that… but why is it so hard?
–Kingsbay Football Field, Brooklyn
…Whereas the Washington Monument Is One Year-Round
Guy, about Empire State Building: Yeah, and for Valentine's Day they put a heart on it.
Visiting Australian woman: A what? A hard-on?
–Rooftop, Watching 4th of July Fireworks
Overheard by: i saw one of those on a building once…
American Puritanism Is Alive and Living in Queens
Middle aged man: He's had trouble since the accident.
Middle aged woman: Yes, he's very intelligent. He just can't get it up.
–Astoria
Ladies Love Doctor Jekyll, but They Fuck Mr. Hyde
Cute young male suit, smiling: Was I erect?
Cute young female suit, smiling: Yes.
Cute young male suit: Did I stay that way?
Cute young female suit: Yes!
Cute young male suit: Amazing!
–E.2nd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Liz A.
Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black
Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.
–14th St
Overheard by: The Reverend
Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.
–Max Cafe
Overheard by: D to the ana
Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!
–Whole Foods Union Square
Overheard by: bildita
Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Diana
Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney
Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"
–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU
Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: fingerling
Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.
–Hard Rock Cafe
Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.
–McCarren Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kalbijim
Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?
–Williamsburg