Archive for the ‘Ethnic Food’ Category

Wednesday One-Loiners

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick! –LaGuardia & W 4th Overheard by: Not drunk College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it! –Port Authority Overheard by: Kate V. Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick. –South Park Slope Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You. –Central Park Entrance Overheard by: HAIR-y Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second. –Century 21 Store Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point. –Penn Station

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up. –South Street Seaport Overheard by: Julium Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color. –Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th Overheard by: Sebastian White Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai! –Union Square Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you. –Union Square Park Overheard by: molly Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue. –Hill Country BBQ Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like! –Museum of Natrual History Overheard by: Heather Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese. –23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave Overheard by: James Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis. –11th & 3rd Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags) –Canal St Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian! –Murray Hill Overheard by: sab

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150. –Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million… –Madison & 77th St Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and… –Upper East Side Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce." –42nd St Overheard by: I want a m6 Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am. –Paul's Cafe

Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts

Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now. –W Houston Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point. 40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am. –81st & Madison Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card. –Stanton & Christie Overheard by: Ross Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi! –Dice Thai, Prospect Park Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

…Don't You Think?

Friend #1: Oh! We should all ride our bikes to Red Hook, check out the ball field, get Swedish meatballs at Ikea and hang out at the flea market.
Friend #2:: I… can't… do that.
Friend #1: Why? Oh, do you not own a bike?
Friend #2: No, I don't. And… I also don't know how to ride a bike.
Friend #1: What? And you live in Williamsburg?
Friend #3: Hey, it's ironic. –South Street Seaport

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something. –Chelsea Market Overheard by: Alyssa Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth! –Starbucks, 8th & 39th Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay! –Times Square Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years… –Duane Reade Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth. –48th & 5th Ave Overheard by: Rebecca