Customer, after studying menu: Do you have turkey sandwiches?
Cashier: We're a Turkish restaurant, not turkey restaurant. We have lamb. (pointing towards large spinning leg on spit)
Customer: That's not turkey. (walks away)
–Bereket Turkish Restaurant
Archive for the ‘Ethnic Food’ Category
Some Married Guys Like That in a Girl.
Hot girl: I feel really really bad.
Sarcastic gay friend: Your conscience about sleeping with married guys catching up to you?
Hot girl: No, it's that stupid Mexican food you made me eat. I wanna puke.
–6 Train
Overheard by: In Shock
The Pot Calling the Kettle “Wednesday One-Liner”
Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"
–Uptown N Train
Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.
–40th St
Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!
–42nd & 8th
Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!
–Outside The Met
Overheard by: Yellow!
Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone
Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fonvielle
Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.
–Ninja Japanese Restaurant
Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jess
Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!
–Brooklyn Health Center
A Happy Side Effect
Urban Indian middle school kid: Yo, we gonna be feastin', son! We got all different types of curry!
Urban African American middle school kid: Shit, son.
–Outside of McKibbin Lofts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mikey Andy
Smokey Says, “Only You Can Prevent Wednesday One-Liners!”
Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"
–Chinatown
African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.
–Midtown
Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Tim
Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Where there's smoke
Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table
Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!
–42nd & 5th
Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!
–Au Bon Pain, Broad St
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.
–Sheridan Square
Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Scared British Tourist
Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.
–69th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Your Tummy Gets Appointed Republican Ambassador to Mexico
Little girl: Mommy, my tummy hurts!
Mom: That's what happens when you only eat nachos and Shirley Temples.
–74th & Columbus
How Many Lines Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?
Woman stopping passersby: Do you know the Chinese restaurant on either 8th or 9th? (points at buildings on 14th Street)
–14th St & b/w 7th & 8th Ave
Girl to another: What is jizz?
–NYU Freshman Dorm
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Man in all seriousness to restaurant server holding two plates of food: Do you guys serve food here?
–Las Ramblas Tapas Restaurant
Woman on cell: Do you think they have batteries in the Dominican Republic, or should I buy some?
–Gateway Center, Brooklyn
Overheard by: DominicanEnergizer
Tourist woman: Excuse me, do I go Uptown or Downtown?
–Delancey St
Overheard by: TR
Bewildered girl in Persian class: Does Iran have lightning?
–NYU
Don't Even Bother Bringing Up Shallots.
Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.”
–Chinese Takeout, Queens
Overheard by: illyria