Archive for the ‘Ethnic Food’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

Smokey Says, “Only You Can Prevent Wednesday One-Liners!”

Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"

–Chinatown

African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.

–Midtown

Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.

–Jamaica Station

Overheard by: Tim

Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Where there's smoke

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table

Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!

–42nd & 5th

Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!

–Au Bon Pain, Broad St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.

–Sheridan Square

Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Scared British Tourist

Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.

–69th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

And by “Make” I Mean “Get at Taco Bell”

Girl on cell drinking frozen lemonade: No, mom. The frozen lemonade is not going to be my dinner. I'm going to go home and make myself something healthy. Love you! (hangs up)
Friend: Is that gonna be your dinner?
Girl: No! I'm gonna go home and make…
Friend: I love how honest you are with your parents.
Girl, interrupting: Some motherfuckin' nachos.

–86th & 5th

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square