Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?

Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: I can’t fucking take this shit.


–3 Train

Overheard by: Morel Farember

REM Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Oh, I just phoned him at five a.m. to tell him that I accidentally set the alarm clock at six a.m., so that he wouldn’t be woken up by it.

–14th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: muffin

Man on cell: So you woke up and she was gone?! Sweet!

–95 Wall St

Overheard by: Samantha

Boriqua woman: My two-year-old refuses to understand the concept of ‘Shut the fuck up and go to sleep.’

–McDonald’s, Union Square

Overheard by: drew roddy

Two women singing: He knows when you’ve been sleeping, he knows when you’re awake; Santa Claus is stalkin’ ya, lock your doors for goodness sakes!

–Crowded 6 train

Overheard by: Ltrainer

If Only Israelis and Palestinians Had a Common Football Team to Get Behind

Conductor over loudspeaker: Our next stop will be New York Penn Station, please make sure you have all your personal belongings when leaving this train… And for all you football fans out there, Giants just fucking won! Everyone can put their feet on the seats, we’re celebratin’ tonight!
Passengers: Yeah!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Vicksburg