Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Wannabe Player: It is a pleasure to have the honor of being in your company. –Halloween Party, Greenwich Village
Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit. –Ave A
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”
Queer #1: When’s the only time you’re supposed to walk in front of a woman?
Queer #2: Let me think…
Queer #1: If you’re walking down the stairs. That way, if she falls you can break her fall and catch her. So when you came on this elevator in front of this young lady, you were being rude! –Midtown elevator
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother. –Union Square station
Hipster on cell: You asked me how I’m doing, and I tell you–and then you bring it back to yourself. You always do that.
Chick: The waiter said I couldn’t sit on his lap. Then he said not only couldn’t I sit on his lap, that the people next to us complained that I was sitting on his lap! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life, that you can’t sit on someone’s lap in a restaurant. And to blame the people next to us, who were lovely? –Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule. –Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd
Urban woman: Those little Chinese people never even say “Excuse me”! They’re so fucking goddamn rude! –D Train