Yuppie: …and I spent Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday teaching them the Golden Rule. –Into cell phone, Lexington & 53rd
Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category
Little Chinese People
Urban woman: Those little Chinese people never even say “Excuse me”! They’re so fucking goddamn rude! –D Train
Ix-nay on the Atman-bay
Guy #1: Secrets are meant to be kept in your head, not in a book.
Guy #2: Sometimes I forget those secrets and need a reference!
–Midtown Comics
Hanging up is just too hard
Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE. –Union Square Park
Non Sequitur Theatre
Guy: I really hate it when people mop my feet. I am Jamaican, after all. –Bryant Park Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Nigligence Indeed
Black female customer: “Forget it, girl you must be suffering from NIGligence” - At Au Bon Pain on 37th & 5th, when she just missed the 4-6pm half price baked goods by one minute, and the black female who worked behind the register would not let her buy them for half price
She’s Been Listening to the New Stern Show
Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.
The train pulls away.
Old lady: Fuckhead.
–23rd Street F station
Whereas Alanis Morissette Really Likes Me.
Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.
–LIRR
Astoria's Already on the Dark Side
Unattended older child, playing with Star Wars toy: Pew, pew, pew! I shot you, you bastard!
Younger brother: Hey, don't talk like that to Star Wars!
–McDonald's, Astoria
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Bipolar Teenagers Are Lousy Audiences, Anyway
Comedy club guy: Come see a comedy show, it's way better than next to normal!
Teenage girl: Bitch, please.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali