Wannabe Player: It is a pleasure to have the honor of being in your company. –Halloween Party, Greenwich Village
Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit. –Ave A
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”
Hipster on cell: You asked me how I’m doing, and I tell you–and then you bring it back to yourself. You always do that.
Young woman: Excuse me, is there any more room for you all to move in? The passengers just laughed at her as the doors closed. –A train, 86th St. station (The day after the fire)
Chick: The waiter said I couldn’t sit on his lap. Then he said not only couldn’t I sit on his lap, that the people next to us complained that I was sitting on his lap! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life, that you can’t sit on someone’s lap in a restaurant. And to blame the people next to us, who were lovely? –Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Queer #1: When’s the only time you’re supposed to walk in front of a woman?
Queer #2: Let me think…
Queer #1: If you’re walking down the stairs. That way, if she falls you can break her fall and catch her. So when you came on this elevator in front of this young lady, you were being rude! –Midtown elevator
Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you. The train pulls away. Old lady: Fuckhead. –23rd Street F station
Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.
Unattended older child, playing with Star Wars toy: Pew, pew, pew! I shot you, you bastard!
Younger brother: Hey, don't talk like that to Star Wars!
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster