Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

Inner Peace Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Woman #1: Ma’am, could you please move your bag so I could sit down?
Woman #2: No, can’t you see I’m busy, bitch? And I’m not movin this fuckin’ thing. It’s heavy and I don’t want to pick it up again! Sit somewhere else. She goes back to reading Jesus and Mary: The Key to Divine Love and Inner Peace. –149th St station downtown platform

Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?

Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!

[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor
: I can’t fucking take this shit.


–3 Train

Overheard by: Morel Farember

REM Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Oh, I just phoned him at five a.m. to tell him that I accidentally set the alarm clock at six a.m., so that he wouldn’t be woken up by it.

–14th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: muffin

Man on cell: So you woke up and she was gone?! Sweet!

–95 Wall St

Overheard by: Samantha

Boriqua woman: My two-year-old refuses to understand the concept of ‘Shut the fuck up and go to sleep.’

–McDonald’s, Union Square

Overheard by: drew roddy

Two women singing: He knows when you’ve been sleeping, he knows when you’re awake; Santa Claus is stalkin’ ya, lock your doors for goodness sakes!

–Crowded 6 train

Overheard by: Ltrainer