Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category

Inner Peace Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Woman #1: Ma’am, could you please move your bag so I could sit down?
Woman #2: No, can’t you see I’m busy, bitch? And I’m not movin this fuckin’ thing. It’s heavy and I don’t want to pick it up again! Sit somewhere else. She goes back to reading Jesus and Mary: The Key to Divine Love and Inner Peace. –149th St station downtown platform

Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?

Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!
[Doors close and open again.]
Conductor: I can’t fucking take this shit. –3 Train Overheard by: Morel Farember

REM Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Oh, I just phoned him at five a.m. to tell him that I accidentally set the alarm clock at six a.m., so that he wouldn’t be woken up by it. –14th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: muffin Man on cell: So you woke up and she was gone?! Sweet! –95 Wall St Overheard by: Samantha Boriqua woman: My two-year-old refuses to understand the concept of ‘Shut the fuck up and go to sleep.’ –McDonald’s, Union Square Overheard by: drew roddy Two women singing: He knows when you’ve been sleeping, he knows when you’re awake; Santa Claus is stalkin’ ya, lock your doors for goodness sakes! –Crowded 6 train Overheard by: Ltrainer

If Only Israelis and Palestinians Had a Common Football Team to Get Behind

Conductor over loudspeaker: Our next stop will be New York Penn Station, please make sure you have all your personal belongings when leaving this train… And for all you football fans out there, Giants just fucking won! Everyone can put their feet on the seats, we’re celebratin’ tonight!
Passengers: Yeah! –NJ Transit Overheard by: Vicksburg