Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!
–Newark Flight
DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!
–Hammerstein Ballroom
Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sam
Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.
–6 Train
Overheard by: oya
Archive for the ‘Ew, Jersey’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to
Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl, while leaving screening of "I am legend": Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: hmmm…
Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!
–2 Train
Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.
–NJ Transit
Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.
–Court St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to "My Sharona", I was outta there."
–Chambers & Greenwich
Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy
No Matter Where You Are in New York, Jersey Is Too Close
Teen hipster #1: So where is he?
Teen hipster #2: All the way in Herald Square. I’m not going all the way there.
Teen hipster #1: Where is Herald Square?
Teen hipster #2: In New Jersey.
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jersey has everything
Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, What Exit You From?
Mom to three-year-old: Actually, there are two other airports in New York. One is called ‘JFK,’ and the other is called ‘New Jersey.’
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fudd
Drunk girl: Well, somebody’s walking back to Jersey tonight!
–Times Square
Man on cell: Well, you’re really going to have to gather whatever inner strength you’ve got, look inside yourself, stay strong… Be prepared to live without me around… Huh? New Jersey! What did you think I meant?
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Guy on cell: She’s moving to Israel? Really? I guess people really will do anything to get out of New Jersey.
–Park Slope
Woman on cell: No, you see, this guy was a Jersey guy. He might have made it big on Wall Street, but he’s a Jersey guy. That was a mistake.
–Battery Park
I See Your Newark and Raise You a Trenton
Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
He’ll Grow into Them
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Another Round of Wednesday One-Liners
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
We’re Trying to Get You to Develop an Immunity
Little girl: Ew, Daddy, it smells like Jersey over here.
Dad: I know, sweetie.
–30th St
Overheard by: Kate
Notice: This City No Longer Accepts the Good Wishes of Outsiders
Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.
–87th & 5th
Overheard by: Hunter North
Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.
Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.
–Queens College campus
Overheard by: Peter G.