Archive for the ‘Ew, Jersey’ Category

Another Teen Emergency. Call the Ambivalence.

Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.

–Queens College campus

Overheard by: Peter G.

More Commonly Known as New Shitsburg

Chick #1: Hoboken just sounds dirty to me.
Chick #2: Why? Because like, “hobos”?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, it’s uplifting. Like, “hobos can!” get their lives together. It’s not called “hobo can’t.” –9th Street PATH station Drunk girl: I can’t believe I have to take this train to Hoboken! This is horrible! Thank God it’s just for tonight, I can’t imagine doing this every day! This is the worst!
Guy: Where in the city do you live?
Drunk girl: I live in Rutherford. –PATH train Overheard by: kt

Even a Penny Helps Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore? –N train Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu! –65th between 2nd & 3rd Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut. –4th Street & 2nd Avenue Overheard by: Squatporpoise Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins. –N train Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa! –A train Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit? –34th & 7th Overheard by: K-Na Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man! –4 train Overheard by: eb

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit. –St. Mark’s Church Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Woman: Where are all the restaurants? –Times Square station Overheard by: Kate Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you? –Gristede’s, 63rd & West End Overheard by: Susan Volchok Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn? –Central Park Overheard by: Captain Obvious Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan? –40th & Broadway Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square? –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey. –85th & 2nd Overheard by: JDH