Archive for the ‘Excretions’ Category

Clean Up in Aisle Emily!

Girl #1: Yeah!. I get 80 mother fucking % off!
Girl #2: Doesn’t that just make you wet?
Girl #1: No. I’m pretty sure it makes me gush.

–27 & 7

Overheard by: sf

Headline by: kerm

Runners-Up:
· “And I Know When Someone Rips Me Off Because I Get A Yeast Infection” – Dan

· “And That Is What We Call a Jew-gasm!” – Andi
· “Coupon Booklets Are Essentially Free Porn” – Matt
· “Cuidado – Piso Jugoso” – Grantankerous
· “Sam Walton Can Still Get the Girls.” – wal-mart women calendar girl
· “Sounds Like You Got 100% Off, To Me” – T Bag


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Translation: “Die, Shrew. Die! Die!

Wifey: Did you just see what happened?
Husband: Yes.
Wifey: That’s why you need to let people off the train first before you try to get on.
Husband: Okay.
Wifey: Next time, just follow me okay?
Husband, disgruntled: Okay.
[Wifey starts reading a book and hubby starts reading his morning newspaper.]
Wifey, glancing at husband
: You really need to clean your ears out -you have a big piece of wax in your ear!

Husband: Thanks for letting me know.
Wifey: No problem.

–N Train

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

These Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Stain

Woman on cell: He wouldn’t know where the hell my G-spot was if it hit him in the face with female ejaculation.

–Central Park

Overheard by: albus severus

Garage attendant: Sex is better when you’re all sweaty. If she can’t grab your ass, she’ll slide right off!

–Parking garage, Edgecombe Ave

Overheard by: Lalaith

Frat boy: … So I look down and I see vagina juices all down the side of my pants.

–NYU dining hall

Old Russian lady blows nose into her palm and flings it behind her, almost hitting black woman.

Black woman: Lady, you got to watch what you’re doing! You can’t be doin’ that shit! You almost hit me with your snot!

–Queens Blvd, Rego Park

Dentist: Wow, your saliva just spurted like a whale!

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Woman in dressing room: There’s a booger on the wall in here. I wonder what the proper etiquette is for this.

–MEXX, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Sarah