Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category

You Know You're Drunk When the Evening Ends in a Bookstore

Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette
: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.

Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette
: Um… did you just burp?

Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.

–Barnes & Noble, Midtown

Overheard by: NYLove

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

But He's a “Maybe” for “Monday Night Sex N' Scrabble”

Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party?

–Downtown 1 Train

Also, Your “Work Uniform” Is a G-String and Pasties

Girl #1: So he's like, “I saw your Facebook photos of you outside of your work uniform. You really like to party.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm 25 and single, what else do you think I like to do?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I mean really. But you know, it's assumed that if you're under 27, all you do is party and sleep around.

–Kew Gardens

Overheard by: CollegiateCutie

Dating Didn't Use to Require a Flow Chart

Chick #1: So I added him on Facebook.
Chick #2: Oooooh, that's a little desperate.
Chick #1: But he texted me first! I was just following the natural order of events.
Chick #3: I added him on Facebook like a week ago.
Chick #2: But you didn't give him head behind a bar.
Chick #1: He texted me before I added him! It is not desperate!


Overheard by: kelly