Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

But He's a “Maybe” for “Monday Night Sex N' Scrabble”

Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party?

–Downtown 1 Train

Also, Your “Work Uniform” Is a G-String and Pasties

Girl #1: So he's like, “I saw your Facebook photos of you outside of your work uniform. You really like to party.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm 25 and single, what else do you think I like to do?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I mean really. But you know, it's assumed that if you're under 27, all you do is party and sleep around.

–Kew Gardens

Overheard by: CollegiateCutie

Dating Didn't Use to Require a Flow Chart

Chick #1: So I added him on Facebook.
Chick #2: Oooooh, that's a little desperate.
Chick #1: But he texted me first! I was just following the natural order of events.
Chick #3: I added him on Facebook like a week ago.
Chick #2: But you didn't give him head behind a bar.
Chick #1: He texted me before I added him! It is not desperate!

–NYU

Overheard by: kelly

Photo Grade Paper, or Did You Cheap Out on Me?

Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific.

–Lounge, Don't Tell Mama

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.

–Warren St & W Broadway

Overheard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.

–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA

Overheard by: Andi C.

Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.

–Grand Central

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!

–B Train

Overheard by: Jen

European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.

–Canal & Lafayette