JAP #1: Oh my god, did you hear about what Aaron wrote on Brittany's Facebook wall?
JAP #2: Oh my god, yeah, that's like, disgusting. Like, she looks like a fucking koala.
JAP #1: Totally. Like, who wants to date a tree climbing marsupial?
JAP #2: Fuck no! I'd rather kill my brother!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category
Why Would You Ever Delete Facebook but Keep MySpace?
Teen girl: So I deleted my Facebook.
Teen guy: See! There's another one!
Teen girl: Another what?
Teen guy: Another difference, my last girlfriend deleted her MySpace and kept her Facebook. That's, like, so weird.
Teen girl: But we both had both.
Teen guy: Don't argue.
–2 Train
Mr. Yankovic's Wednesday One-Liners
Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school… Cause I hung out with all the black people!
–Washington Square Park
Uptown girl: This place is…this is weird.
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.
–J Train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.
–Columbia University
Plus Her Status Updates Are More Interesting Than Ever
Graduate student #1: Should I remove the dead girl from my Facebook friends? It's kind of sad when she comes up.
Graduate student #2: No.
Graduate student #1: Why not?
Graduate student #2: Wouldn't it be even sadder if she was dead and had no Facebook friends?
–114th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Daniel
Either Way, She's My Heroine
Chick: Her Facebook picture is her double-fisting two beer bottles.
Queer: Oh, please. You know they were originally two cocks and she Photoshopped them out.
–House party, 172 & Broadway
Overheard by: Well-dressed Indian boy
Does Checking Make You More or Less of a Loser?
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
Boys Take Non-Poking Very Literally
Teen girl: I was so mad at him that I unfriended him on Facebook.
Friend: What does that mean?
Teen girl: I was mad, but not mad enough to break up. This way we can still message each other, but he can't poke me anymore.
Friend: So, technically, would this be symbolic or metaphorical action?
Teen girl: What?
Friend: Nevermind.
–Penn Station
Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends
Yuppie: I don’t google enough.
–F Train, 7th Ave
Overheard by: imaginexrach
Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!
–NYU Bus
Overheard by: Asian Kid
Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!
–Office on 42nd & Madison
Overheard by: herspace
Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.
–8th St & Broadway
Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
…By Writing Their Statistics in Blood on My Bathroom Mirror
Geek boy: You printed out her whole Facebook page!
Asian girl: Dude, you’re a total stalker!
Stalker boy: I’m not a stalker, I just like to keep track of people!
–2 Train
Overheard by: MTA’s Flying Dutchman
She’s One of My Best Facebook Friends
Trendy girl #1: I mean, Michelle’s one of my best friends…
Trendy girl #2: Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did Michelle and Kyle break up?
Trendy girl #1: I think so. According to Facebook.
–A Train