Archive for the ‘Fag Hags’ Category

The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex. –Union Square Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it. –Union Square Overheard by: Julia Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever. –Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave Overheard by: Fred Daubert Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur! –Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Amber 20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice. –19th & Broadway Overheard by: spf Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic? –Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle Overheard by: onelinerwonder

It's Like Riding a Moped… Fun Till Your Friends See You

Overweight effeminate guy: Listen, if I'm gonna have sex with a fat chick, no one is gonna know about it.
Fag hag: Well, what's the point if no one will ever know? –W Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Dopeman Headline by: winona Runners-Up:
· “For the Tax Deduction.” – KJM
· “I Prefer My Charitable Donations to Be Anonymous” – Give’til it hurts
· “It Builds Character?” – Underweight effeminate guy
· “See If the Judge Will Take It As Your Community Service” – Kenneth
· “Shake Your Harpoon and Say, “Thar, She Blew Me”” – Professor Coldheart
· “Why Billy Wasn’t Able To Stay in the Closet for Very Long” – J
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Suck at Scrabble

Blonde: You know what I just learned? G-E-O-R-G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’ –49th & Broadway Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing! –Columbia University Overheard by: jaded library dweller Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo. –L train, 3rd Ave stop Overheard by: katiebeans Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’! –St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are. –56th & 5th 15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit. –210th St & Bainbridge Ave Overheard by: gutterlush Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’ –JFK Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty

Wednesday One-Liners Will Sleep with You If You Hold Still

Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend! –92nd & 2nd Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid! –In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg Overheard by: Rowan Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes. –115th & Lenox Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’ –Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn Overheard by: equally gay Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: j Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi! –Parsons the New School for Design Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t? –1 train