Archive for the ‘Fakes’ Category

You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Remember, Folks, the 8 O'Clock Show Is Completely Different from the 10 O'Clock Show

Passport office worker: Ma'am, you want to ask me a question, you're gonna need to step into the line at this window.
Woman: But I only…
Passport office worker: No buts. You get into this line or I don't talk to you. You don't step away from this window, I call security.
Woman: Fine! Call security!
Passport office worker (grabbing phone): Security, you gonna need to come up and take care of this lady–and oh, she's getting so nasty!
(both laugh)
Passport office worker
: So you gettin' ready to go out to lunch?

Woman: Yeah, you want me to pick you up something?

–US Passport Office

Overheard by: Chuckell

Now New York Is Laughing

Guy #1: Man, do you think *Jane is hot?
Guy #2: I mean she’s smart, but I wouldn’t say she’s hot. Why do you think she’s into you?
Guy #1: Well, I think that she thinks I’m arrogant, but I’m not. It just comes off that way because I’m really insecure, my confidence is all fake.
Guy #3: Hey, I think that girl is listening to us… And she’s laughing.
Guy #1: Anyway… Can we please talk about my insecurities for a while, we never talk about me.

–Metro North

Overheard by: texting her friend the whole convo

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splaining to Do

Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ein Ladle

Headline by: Mikey G.

Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak

· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Counterfeit Wednesday One-Liners

Tourist on cell: So, what do you want me to bring you back from NYC? A fake Louis Vuitton bag? Or fake Chanel perfume?

–57th & 7th

Bimbette: I just don’t have the energy to have a fake conversation.

–LIRR

Overheard by: tired

Large black man laughing to self: They thought I was a fake doughnut.

–1 train

Overheard by: Craig

Offended girl: Look at this fake snow! It mocks us! Fuck you, fake snow!

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: In complete agreement