Archive for the ‘Families’ Category

WOLing Me Softly

Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know. –West Village (20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you. –1 Train Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead. –42nd & Lex Overheard by: bildita Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone. –Smith & Wollensky Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck? –96th & Madison Overheard by: grateful undead Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama! –125th & Amsterdam Overheard by: The Drummey

Wednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner

Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months! –E 9th St & University Place Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012 Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl. –F Train Overheard by: office peon Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby! –Gee Whiz, Tribeca Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage! –Uptown 2 Train Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments. –96th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Lyssa Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back. –Prince & Lafayette Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo? –D Train Overheard by: 4-dumb Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither. –Times Square Overheard by: Jas

More or Less, Allowing for Individual Variation

Father: It was the Million Man March. It was a million men marching in the capital for our people.
Son: No girls? No moms?
Father: No girls, just men.
Son: So there was a million penises?
Father (trying to bring it back onto subject): Yes. But it was the Million Man March.
Son: So there were two million balls?
Father: That's not the point.
Son: But everybody had one penis and two balls, right?
Father: Presumably. –4th St & 125th

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Tara Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?! –NYU Kimmel Center Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU? Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate! –M104 Bus Overheard by: Samantha Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men! –Bergdorf Goodman Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money. –Borders, Columbus Circle Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Home Depot Also Sells the Industrial Grade Belt-Driven Kind

Little boy: Do you have 25 cents?
Older sister: What? No… You don’t need a tampon.
Little boy: No, I want a napkin.
Older sister: You don’t need those, either.
Little boy: I want a napkin for my face! [Reads off dispenser] See? Nap-kin.
Older sister: Those aren’t napkins like we use at the table. They’re… um… y’know, ladies’ things, like Mommy uses.
Little boy: Ohhh… –Ladies’ room, Home Depot, Bed-Stuy Overheard by: Pippa