Archive for the ‘Families’ Category

And, the Way You Go Through Rabbits, That's a Big Threat

Six-year-old girl to dog (repeatedly): High-five! High-five! High-five!
(dog dodges her and owner ignores her)
Girl's grandmother, excitedly
: I just know, in my heart of hearts, she's going to be a veterinarian when she grows up. She just loves animals so much! Even our little rabbits she carries around…I just know she's going to be a veterinarian!

(dog's owner goes to counter to check out)
Grandmother
: Okay, honey, it's time to let the man check out. Let's go.

Girl, leaving dog: High-five! High-five! High-five! (passes gum ball machine) Oooh, gum ball! (begins putting money in)
Grandmother: If you put money in there, I'll never get you anything ever again.

–Blockbuster, Flatbush & 8th Ave

Overheard by: smoon

Yes.

Loud mother: So that's what this is about? Really?
Unhappy young son: (looks down, says nothing)
Loud mother: Really? That's what this is all about? An orange drink! This is all because of an orange drink?
Unhappy son: (looks down, says something barely audible)
Loud mother: I'm overreacting? You think I'm the one who is overreacting??

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Wednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner

Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months!

–E 9th St & University Place

Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012

Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: office peon

Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby!

–Gee Whiz, Tribeca

Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage!

–Uptown 2 Train

Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments.

–96th & Broadway

Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th

Someone Should Complain to Her Soup-ervisor

Bag lady: Ladies and gentlemen, my husband and I are homeless. We can’t stay at our shelter during the day so we come on the train to get food. Today we are asking for money so we can do laundry. Anything you can give will help.
Hobo: Why don’t you just admit that you’re gonna buy crack? I’m in the same line of work, don’t believe her. –N train

Wednesday One-Liners Use American Psycho As Porn

Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: SuperVixen

Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…

–Broadway & Reade

Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.

–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens

Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: ris

Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?

–47th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne