Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn. –Gristedes, 42nd St Overheard by: …while sober or drunk? Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk! –14th St & University Place Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen! –St.Marks & 3rd Ave Overheard by: slohmie Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine. –23rd St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Dina Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's! –Wagner College

You Still Have That Ouija Board?

Mom: Don’t lean over the tracks like that.
Five-year-old son: I’m just looking for the train.
Mom: It’s dangerous, you could fall.
Five-year-old son: Daddy’s doing it. You’re not saying it to him.
Mom: I’m your mother, and I told you to stop. Daddy can do what he wants. [Boy sulks for a few minutes.] Okay, do you want to call Grandma when we get home so she can yell at Daddy for leaning over the tracks?
Five-year-old son: Yes. –34th St subway platform

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up. –4 train Overheard by: Leora Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that. –Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel. –Broadway & 104th

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it. –E 19th & Park Ave South Headline by: boyhowdy Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No? –Times Square Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say