Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

You Still Have That Ouija Board?

Mom: Don’t lean over the tracks like that.
Five-year-old son: I’m just looking for the train.
Mom: It’s dangerous, you could fall.
Five-year-old son: Daddy’s doing it. You’re not saying it to him.
Mom: I’m your mother, and I told you to stop. Daddy can do what he wants. [Boy sulks for a few minutes.] Okay, do you want to call Grandma when we get home so she can yell at Daddy for leaning over the tracks?
Five-year-old son: Yes. –34th St subway platform

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up. –4 train Overheard by: Leora Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that. –Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel. –Broadway & 104th

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it. –E 19th & Park Ave South Headline by: boyhowdy Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No? –Times Square Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

You'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners

Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster! –Queens Mall Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin. –College Point Shopping Center Overheard by: Yesenia Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater? –Waterside Plaza Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me? –M23 Bus Overheard by: Rose Fox Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us. –15th St & University Place Overheard by: Sarah M.

Republished by Blog Post Promoter