Father: Having you and your mother in the same room is like having the Communist party. –Murray Hill
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh. –Central Park
Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world. –LES
20-something woman: You’re going to worship my mother when you meet her.
Man: I will?
Woman: Yes. Because I do. – Pizzeria, Boerum Hill
Guy on cell: …so I say to her, “Why the hell do you have a cell phone if you don’t use it?”. God, my brother is an asshole and my girlfriend is a moron! –Clinton Street Overheard by: nappytee
Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.
–Ave C & 16th St
Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!
Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.
–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jason
FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?
Overheard by: janine
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: They tried to make me a made man when I was 16. Do you get what I'm sayin? I've got fucking connections. I know Duke. I know my brother. I know my dad.
40-something white man in jeans, Hawaiian shirt and long blond wig: No, but these people own the Bronx.
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: Why do you have to be a dick? I told you, they tried to make me. I said no, but I still know my dad and Duke. If they try to hit you again, I got you. (yelling) Do you understand what that means? Made man? I was almost made!
–Tompkins Square Park
Girl: If they all died, he wouldn't have any problems.
Guy: Not everyone, just my grandmother.
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Guy #1: Oh is that the girl you fucking?
Guy #2: No, that's my niece.
Guy #1: Oh, too bad.
Overheard by: MJ