Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up. –4 train Overheard by: Leora Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that. –Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel. –Broadway & 104th
Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.
–Crunch Gym, 38th St
Overheard by: Maggie
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
Overheard by: queenofscots
Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?
–8th Ave & 44th St
Overheard by: Dean
Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.
Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.
–93rd & Broadway
Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!
Overheard by: Laura
Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!
–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Phycobilins
Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: Christiana Little
50-something yuppie guy to another: My wife just doesn't understand that men go through menopause too. It's not just a woman's problem. These past few months I can tell that I've begun my menopause.
Teenage girl sitting across from two yuppies: I'm pretty sure they call what you're going through “erectile dysfunction.”
Overheard by: Sophia
Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don't matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don't. They like turn their heads away if they don't like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.
–B26 Bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
20-ish girl: Then I disclosed that Michael probably has Asperger’s syndrome.
20-ish guy: Asperger’s people are smart. This guy is a ninny.
20-ish girl: He’s IT smart, and he had a retard son, and you know how that shit runs in the family.
–Brooklyn-bound R train
Girl: Did you know that my ancestors invented the thing that links subway cars together?
Guy: Did you know that my ancestors got drunk in the subway cars?
–MTA Transit Museum
Girl #1, after friend hangs up her cell: Who was that?
Girl #2: My brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: So, your sister-in-law?
Girl #2: No, my brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: But she would be your sister-in-law if y’all were married, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess.
Girl #1: So, what’d she say?
Girl #2: My baby-father’s in the hospital. Some girl stabbed him in the back.
Girl #1: Who?
Girl #2: Some girl at a barbecue. I wonder what he did to her.
Girl #1: You just can’t control a man’s actions. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do.
Girl #2: I’ve gotta go to the hospital now. He better not die!
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
–37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!
–Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
–22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
–Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
–Target, Atlantic Ave