Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

Explains Why You Put International Postage on Everything Outside Of Manhattan

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Cancer Center

Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Grandma’s Fresh-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Little girl to people waiting to board plane: You want a grandma? We have hundreds of grandmas here.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: detective olivia benson

Grandma, about child running with others: He runs faster than… than a little shit.

–Alice in Wonderland Statue, Central Park

Mom to kid: Do you know that purse I stole from Grandma? Hide it. She’s coming over.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff

Grandma: If I was 50, boy, I’d be nifty. [Granddaughter stares blankly.] Yeah, if I was 50, I’d wear a leather bustiere.

–C train

Woman on payphone: I don’t care if Johnny was fucking his cousin, that don’t give you the right to steal your grandma’s credit cards!

–125th & Lex