Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

When She Comes Back With the Size Five Wrapped Around One Thigh, All She’s Getting Is Store Credit

Sales girl: Okay, so what did you want to get for her?
Old lady: Well, she’s a size five.
Sales girl: Yeah, but our sizes here run small, so you probably want to get her a seven or something.
Old lady: No, my granddaughter, she’s a five.
Sales girl: Yeah, but our sizes-
Old lady: -She’s a five.
Sales girl: Yeah, okay.

–Billabong store, Broadway

Overheard by: Kelsey

Wednesday One-Liners Take a Dip in the Gene Pool

Yuppie woman: Her mother was recently diagnosed with clinical narcissism. One of the indicators was the time she went to a funeral and got angry that no one noticed her new dress.

–Downtown 6 train

Woman: I have this running joke with my kids. Whenever there’s a spider or a big bug, they’re like, "Kill it! Kill it!", and I’m like "I can’t kill it! It might be your grandmother!" You know, like reincarnation?

–Office tower ladies room, Lex & 44th St

Guy on cell: Who are you to tell me who is of legal age for me? You’re not my mother! How can you tell me who is legal enough for me and who isn’t?

–Union Square

Little Boy: Mommeeee! Ah… I mean, Daddeee!

– 67th Ave & Yellowstone Blvd, Queens

Woman on cell: Mom, a building just got knocked over by a plane and you want to talk about my gambling?

–71st St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: mike

Girl: I have no siblings! I can’t be a fuck up because I have no siblings!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: meghan

Goth girl wannabe: I fantasize about incest, but not with anyone I’m related to.

–East Village