Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

Hopefully He’ll Read This and Feel Guilty

Woman: My dad controls all the money in the house, to the point where if my mom wants to go shopping she has to talk to him. She’d said, ‘You really need to go to the grocery. Your daughter only had a protein shake to eat today.’ He said, ‘Well, she needs to lose weight anyway.’ It’s crazy. That’s the kind of shit we had to deal with growing up. –29th & Park

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.

–Ave C & 16th St

Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!

–R Train

Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.

–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?

–Spruce St

Overheard by: janine