Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That’s why he has titties. He’s an A-cup. –M15 bus
20 something girl #1: So you ditched his ass.
20 something girl #2: Yeah, well, I told him that I would not date a 36-year-old who comes to work wearing bubblegum pink sneakers riding a long board.
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Smoltzy
Black chick: What’d bring me to? Once you seen Queen Latifah you don’t need to see this shit.
Black guy: I’m tryin’ to fill you with some culture.
Black chick: Why don’t you fill my closet with Prada? –Ambassador Theatre, West 49th Street
Little boy #1: Your pants are so tight, your balls have asthma.
Little boy #2: But that’s my joke… –12th between A & B
Dude on cell: She was a size 16 before the baby, but now she’s a 32. She went from Kermit the Frog to Snuffleupagus!…What size are you? –Staten Island Ferry
Guy to three cute girls: You’re the best looking gay guys I’ve seen all day!
–Christopher & Bedford
Chick to dude: You could wear a dress if you wanted to.
Abercrombie tot: Wait, you can’t carry a boy dog in a purse. That’s unnatural!
Tween girl to friends: No, she’s a boy now and she looks gay.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: R
Cute brunette: Who am I, forcing your lovers into a male-female dichotomy? I am terrible!
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Chick #1: Wow, I like your pants.
Chick #2: Thanks. I’m a really big fan of superfluous buttons.
Heinously-dressed chick on cell: I wish I could see you today! I’m wearing a really cool outfit!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: fashionbly competent
Ghetto chick: I hate skinny jeans. Them shits be mad tight!
–H&M, 125th St
Overheard by: Alison R.
Girl: Okay, those might be Givenchy, but she totally bought them at DSW.
–Houston & Broadway
Salesperson: The trousers are unfinished so you have to go to a tailor when you get home and have them fitted. Are there any tailors where you come from?
Overheard by: Other suit-buying tourist
Two UES ladies passing by a child laughing at her reflection in upscale shoe store window: That baby has a head start — she already likes stilettos.
–79th & Lex
Overheard by: B.B.
Girl to guy: You should just wear nude leggings!
Girl on cell: Those are the gayest jeans I’ve ever seen. As long as you wear them, you will always be gay. Congratulations.
Older man, to no one in particular: That's why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.
–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn
Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can't spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You're broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M-u-g! Rhymes with "thug"!
–Chambers & West St
Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain't got no money. I got weed, but I ain't got no money.
–25th St & 7th Ave
Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Asian chick: So that’s it, then?
Asian guy: Yep.
Asian chick: We’re breaking up, then?
Asian guy: Yep. A few minutes pass. Asian chick: Hey, you’d look good with that girl up there in the pink checked coat. –Empire State Building Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide