Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Archive for the ‘Fashionistas’ Category
Go Back to Your Third World Country!
Woman: I don’t know about this one, it’s not so Nebraska. –Anthropology
“…so that’s why I’m lactating!”
Fashionista guy: Did you hear about Ange?
Fashionista girl: No, what?
Fashionista guy: She’s pregnant!
Fashionista girl: Oh my god! The whole world is pregnant!
Fashionista guy: Seriously.
–Midtown elevator
Just in Time for the Holidays…
Hippie: What color is your aura?
FIT girl: I think my aura has black and white stripes.
Hippie: Vertical or horizontal?
FIT girl: Horizontal…no, vertical.
Hippie: Is that because vertical stripes make your aura look fat?
FIT girl: Yeah.
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Armchair Messiah
Wednesday One-Diners
Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.
–Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: wba2101
Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.
–Times Square
Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!
–8th St & Greene
Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!
–Uptown A Train
20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.
–4th St & Ave B
Presenting the Fall Wednesday One-Liner Collection
Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.
–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building
Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.
–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway
Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!
–Queens
Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.
–Astor Place
Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard
Sometimes “Rim Job” Headlines Just Write Themselves
Preppy guy: What's that stuff around the rim of your martini glass?
Trendy girl: Uh…I dunno, it looks like cum.
Preppy guy: Uh… can I get a lick?
–Restaurant, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Eliza
…Why Do You Think I Moved to New York?
Trendy undergrad #1: You should read “Dry.” it's by the guy who wrote “Running with Scissors.” it's when he moves to New York and becomes an alcoholic.
Trendy undergrad #2: Great–I love fucked-up shit.
–16th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jaded Grad Student
Osama Bin Laden: Fuck!
Fashion girl #1, on 9/11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.
–King & Varick
Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.
11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.
–High Line
Overheard by: Kirby
NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!
–5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Just Visiting…
Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!
–PrideFest, Abingdon Square
Overheard by: proud dad
Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.
–Starbucks
Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?
–Hampton Jitney
Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so
Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!
–Central Park Sheep Meadow