Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"
–C Train
Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.
–Union Square Green Market
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.
–Bowery St
Overheard by: Dj bj
Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…
–West Village
Overheard by: Cass
Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Martin
Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.
–Outside Erasmus High School
Archive for the ‘Fast Times at New York High’ Category
How Tight Do You Wear Your Wednesday One-Liners?
Girl in sweatpants: I kind of want someone to pants me. Just so that I can show off my ass without being a whore.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Fabulous gay man to another: Ohmigod! I'm totally having a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment right now."
–9th Ave & 47th St
Teenage boy, screaming: I can't wait to get my pants off!
–Broadway & 52nd St
Man to seven-year-old daughter: Hold onto the rail so you don't fall. Cause if you do fall, we're all going to laugh. We're going to laugh really hard. We're going to laugh so hard we will shit our pants.
–N Train
20-something well-dressed girl to another: He comes home saying he won all this money, and falls asleep with his hands in his pants, and that's the end of the story.
–Bedford Ave & 7th
Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners
Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!
–Holiday Market, Union Square
Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!
–Gristedes, University Place
Overheard by: M
Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!
–Chavela's, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: zack g.
Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.
–1st Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Asaywhat
The Sorriest Wednesday One-Liners in Town
Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.
–Delayed 6 Train
Overheard by: Frankie
Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!
–Union Square
Overheard by: tracy
Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.
–Downtown F Frain
Overheard by: Ben Black
Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.
Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.
–Thompson Square Park
Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.
–Ave A & 6th St
Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!
–J Train
Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall
Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!
–104th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Emily
Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.
–43rd & 8th
Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.
–Curtis High School, Staten Island
Overheard by: jules
Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.
–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Philip & Richard
Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners
Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: Laura
Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!
–Times Square
Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.
–111th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.
–West End & 77th St
Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?
–University Place
…You Marvin-the-Martian Motherfuckers
Girl #1: You're making me very mad.
Boy: Well, you're making me very sad.
Girl #2: Both of you shut the fuck up right now.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
The Perfect Start to Our Low-Fat Life Together
Girl #1, bending down on one knee: Darling, I love you with all my heart, and I hope to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you gladly take the honor of being my bride?
Girl #2: I have to think about this.
Girl #1: We can have the reception at Pinkberry.
Girl #2: Well… In that case, of course!
–Bard High School Queens
Overheard by: Delilah
“C___k N____s” to the Orthodox
Teacher: So, “third person omniscient” means the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of everyone in the story. It's almost like God is telling the story.
Student: Or Chuck Norris.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny