Archive for the ‘Fast Times at New York High’ Category

‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive. –W 8th & Broadway Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird. –Robert Louis Stevenson School Overheard by: Lucas Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird. –90th b/w 2nd & 3rd Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews. –9th St. and 3rd Ave Overheard by: Hannah Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow! –Trader Joe’s, Union Square Overheard by: Ingwall Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart. –Bowery & Rivington

It Got Me Through College

Cashier #1: So they’re like, not gonna let me graduate.
Cashier #2: What if you give them money? My school’s a capitalist machine, they’ll let you get away with murder if you pay them enough…unless you’re pregnant. Then you’re screwed.
Cashier #1: Nah, they’re too used to kids pulling knives on them for extra pencils.
Cashier #2: Then cry. You can get anything you want by crying. Works for me. –Kings Plaza, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that." –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Student Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note! –LaGuardia High School Overheard by: a note of chocolate? Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics. –Cooper Union, Astor Place Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on! –L Train Overheard by: Misshellee Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration. –Bard High School Early College

All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two! –LaGuardia High School Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare… Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy. –Gallery Players, Park Slope Overheard by: Emily B. Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene. –Lincoln Center Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Adam Nathan Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues! –Walgreens, Union Square Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo! –Times Square Overheard by: Minerva Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot. –Lincoln Center Overheard by: Emily B.

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School