Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing. –Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it! –Penn Station Overheard by: Deeds Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers? –Outside New York Stock Exchange Overheard by: Kyle 50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast. –34th & 7th
Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana! –D Train Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who? –E 90th St Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!" –Houston & Orchard Overheard by: j Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean. –E 4th St & Lafayette Overheard by: amanda Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof! –2nd Ave & 94th St Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is. –Broadway & Chambers St Overheard by: Carolyn S Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas! –Winter Gardens
Hispanic girl: …yeah, I like that, it’s cool, but do they have it in a 16?
White girl: I think they only have 12s and 6s left.
Hispanic girl: Well, I’m not really a 16. It’s just this huge ass I have here. If you don’t count that, I’m a 12. –Old Navy, Chelsea Girl #1: I didn’t ask to be born.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t ask our parents to be born into this cold, hard, cruel world.
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: On top of everything I had to be born black too, and a woman!
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: …but I was born light-skinned and have a big ass! –Matsuri, Chelsea Overheard by: Tamika J.
Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free? –E 3rd & 1st Ave Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service! –Franklin Ave Subway Overheard by: Jesus Jon Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers! –8th & 6th Overheard by: Zack Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha! –Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love. –Kimmel, NYU Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it. –125th St & Broadway Overheard by: EthanK Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years! –Duane Reade
Fat Chick: Thank God. Cheryl! It’s the Golden Arches! –Bus Entering Port Authority
Overweight bearded tourist: I bet they don't have any Nascar fans in this city!
Overweight moustached tourist: I haven't seen a single one! –4 Train
Young lady: Stupid people have more fun! –Chrystie & Housten Overheard by: Probably True… Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller! –Times Square Overheard by: Would the street be safer? Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit. –Duane Reade Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid. –Inwood Overheard by: Rose Fox Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect! –34th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: Katface
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all! –Gramercy Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet. –L Train Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs. –E Train Overheard by: Pat Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long! –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Say what? Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever? –6 Train
Large middle aged black man: Well hello there little lady, Barack Obama!
Small young white girl: Yeah! –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Meg
Fat bouncer #1: Where the fuck is there a bagel store around here?
Fat bouncer #2: Umm… Bagels are delicious. Hey, maybe they have knishes. That rhymed!
Fat bouncer #1: You make no fucking sense. –The Knitting Factory Overheard by: hjane