Archive for the ‘Fears’ Category

To Be Fair, the Elderly Man Wasn't Wearing Pants Either

Five-year-old girl pissing behind tree to mother trying to talk to elderly man with dog: Look mommy! Look! I'm making a pee-pee behind the tree.
Mother: Yes, sweetie, that's very nice. (returns to conversation with man)
Girl: Mommy! I'm still peeing! I'm still peeing!
Mother: Uh-huh. Well, pull your pants up when you're done.
Girl: Mommy, there's a squirrel! Hi, squirrel!
Old man: Careful! They have rabies and they'll eat you!
Girl, running towards mother with no pants: Aaaaaah!

–Riverside Park

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Mangina Attack

Man in elevator on cell: Yeah. That's what I'm paying for, right? Next time just make sure it's a male to female.

–Elevator, Chelsea

Staten Island man to son: Okay, you have to be careful here. And don't touch any of the pretty ladies: the prettier they are, the more likely it's a man.

–1st & Houston

Middle aged woman to friend: Every morning I wake up and think I look more and more like Mrs Doubtfire.

–Union Square

Overheard by: mk

Guy in pink spandex to Victorian Gardens employee: Excuse me, where do the trannies hang out?

–Central Park

Preppy chick to friends: Did I ever tell you guys about the tranny I slept with?

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Well-Dressed Indian Boy

Mom, in motherly voice, to crying four-year-old: Aww, what's the matter, did the little transvestite scare you?

–2nd & 72nd

Overheard by: Nancy

Get Ready to Be Afraid! (Happy Halloween)

Man on cell: I have two phobias. The post office and the library. And you want me to go to the post office for you? –University & 10th College girl #1: What do you think is the saddest emotion or feeling?
College girl #2: I’m not sure, maybe fear.
College girl #1: Yeah, that’s a good one. Ya know, if we lived in Ethiopia you would have said hunger. –71st between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: Lizz Tooher Girl: Yeah, I always wear black…I’m, like, scared of colors. –Elevator, Parsons School of Design Guy: Yo, that Hamburgler’s a scary motherfucker, ’cause you never know what that nigga be sayin’. He be all “robble robble robble robble” and shit! –23rd & 6th Overheard by: Tacologic Woman: Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me. What are you supposed to be anyway, Hercules?
Man: I’m Thor. Mighty son of Odin. –N train

Poserday One-Liners

Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: haxromana

Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.

–Troutman & Evergreen

Overheard by: Kristen

Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.

–6 Train

Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.

–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chelce

Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.

–Columbus Circle

The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You

Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!

–Uptown 2 Train