Girl #1: So I like, panicked, and I ate it.
Girl #2: You ate the weed?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: E
Archive for the ‘Fears’ Category
The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You
Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!
–Uptown 2 Train
Why Little Kids Should Not Be Allowed to Watch Training Day
Six-year-old boy to two undercover NYPD officers: Hi, what's your name?
Six-year-old boy's mom: Hey, boy, what did I tell you about speaking to strangers?
NYPD undercover officer: It's okay, we're cops. (flashes badge)
Six-year-old boy: Aahhhhhhhhh! (runs into mother's arms)
–E Train
Overheard by: Rob G
Only Now It Burns When I Pee
Ghetto chick #1: When I was younger, I was afraid to wash myself in certain areas.
Ghetto chick #2: Why?
Ghetto chick #1: Well, I thought that if I washed my vagina, it would burn.
Ghetto chick #2: Um… You're over that now, right? You wash now?
Ghetto chick #1: Oh yeah. Everything's fine now. I wash it.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Kit
Cue Pat Benatar
Girlfriend: I just don't get people.
Boyfriend: I love you.
Girlfriend, panicked: No, you don't!
Boyfriend: But I do!
Girlfriend, walking away mumbling: I just do not get people!
–Central Park
…With a Cell Phone
Summer camp counselor to young summer camper: Why you so afraid? That's something you can see in the Bronx!
Summer camper: Aaahhh!
Summer camp counselor to young summer camper: It's just a pigeon!
–Central Park Zoo
I'm Thinking the Mushrooms Were a Mistake, Though
Tourist #1: This must be it, it says “Greyhound” right there!
Tourist #2: It looks under construction. Is it safe to go in?
Tourist #1: I don't know… I'm afraid.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: unfortunately thats just how it looks
Also How Joe Biden Tries to Make Friends
Old man to passing girl: Boo!
(girlfriend shrieks, old man lets out an evil, villain laugh. Girl and her boyfriend walk away quickly, boyfriend chuckling)
Old man, looking back at them as they walk away: Hahahaha! No, no wait! Wait, I'm sorry! I'm sorrryyy!
–77th St & Broadway
The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners
Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That's how scared he was.
–107th & Broadway
Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that's totally worse than them biting you.
–Majestic Theater
Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.
–10th Ave & 39th St
Overheard by: Todd Fletcher
Girl on cell: No, you can't go! I'm too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.
–Supermarket, Astoria
Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!
–7 Train
Overheard by: Alex
Otherwise Known As a Traditional Staten Island Picnic
Super short Hispanic thug: I told that bitch “I'm not scared of you, I'll beat you with my ham sandwich!”
Super short black thug: Fuck, yeah!
Super short Hispanic thug: Yeah, I'll beat that bitch with some mayonnaise, some ham, and a roll! I'm not scared of that bitch!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: