Archive for the ‘Fears’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria. –Times Square Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down. –Jersey Transit Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid! –13th & 3rd Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section! –Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison Overheard by: Rose Fox Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids! –Penn Station Overheard by: Ross Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: McFreaky

They Didn't Appreciate the Blackface, Though

White guy: Where do you live?
White girl: The Upper East Side. Where do you live?
White guy: I just moved to the city, I live in Harlem.
White girl: Oh, that must be scary.
White guy: Nah, it's not scary. I'm from Northwestern Florida so I mean I'm used to black people…plus, I play basketball.
White girl (nods in complete agreement): Oh, you're fine then. –Bowery Bar

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary! –34th & 10th Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women! –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Moy (guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay. –E Train Overheard by: Sleepy Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there! –B54 Bus Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery. –Gramercy Park