Archive for the ‘Ferry’ Category

Moist Wipes For All Escaping Religous Persecution

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river. –Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah
Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Island?

French tourist, after discussing America's faults in the world, to American man: Can you take a picture of us with the Statue of Liberty in the background?
American man: Ain't she a beautiful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
American man: Well, she's French. Welcome to America.

–Staten Island Ferry

Only in Microsoft Word

Woman #1, in clown makeup and garb, being filmed: Do you ever feel you're turning into a fairy?
Woman #2, in similar makeup and trapeze garb: Uh… No, not really. (acts intently interested)
Woman #1: I don't know, I guess… It's like that myth, where the man with the mask… He wears it so often, it becomes his face. (pause) That's me, with my character.
Woman #2: You don't have more than one character?

–Ferryboat, Staten Island

Overheard by: eliza ahern

The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.

–4 Train

Overheard by: heather

Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.

–Staten Island Ferry Station

Overheard by: mindy

Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.

–Psych Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: I completely agree

Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.

–Washington Square East

20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!

–N Train

Overheard by: TR

Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!

–Bedford & Grove

Overheard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Jingles

…Wait– What?

Bike messenger #1: But we shouldn't write songs about New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I get ya.
Bike messenger #1: We're not going to get anywhere with an audience of New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally understand.
Bike messenger #1: We should write songs about fucking people… People who… People who aren't fucking paying attention to what's going on around them.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally get that.

–Staten Island Ferry