Archive for the ‘Ferry’ Category

There's No Money in Rolling Corpses Anymore

Delivery truck man #1: You know what's great at that Chinese spot?
Delivery truck man #2: What?
Delivery truck man #1: Their pork dumplings.
Delivery truck man #2: I'll tell you what.
Delivery truck man #1: What?
Delivery truck man #2: That's definitely not kosher.
(they laugh)
Delivery truck man #1
: But wait if I take it to a rabbi to bless, can it become kosher?

Delivery truck man #2: Good question.
Delivery truck man #1: Yeah… Wow! We are on the right side of the ferry, remember when the right side was for only cokeheads and weedheads, and your mother would say “don't go on the right side of the ferry” and people used to OD and you would find dead bodies? Those were the days!

–Staten Island Ferry

A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore!

–50th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Kate

Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it!

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning.

–Governor's Island Ferry

Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday!

–18th & 3rd

Overheard by: Maria

Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies.

–PJ Clarke's

Wednesday First-Trimester Liners

Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.

–Belmont Park Race Track

20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Mike

Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!

–Belmont Ave & 188th St

Overheard by: Toomuchinformation

Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.

–W 204th St

Overheard by: JMS

Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!

–Central Park

The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.

–4 Train

Overheard by: heather

Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.

–Staten Island Ferry Station

Overheard by: mindy

Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.

–Psych Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: I completely agree

Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Wednesday One-Liners Star in P.S. – I Lavatory You

Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now.

–Times Square

Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out.

–South Ferry

Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays.

–Broadway

Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint."

–Astoria

Overheard by: Alison R

Men's Conversation Only Fills the Empty Hours Until the Next Blowjob

Girl to loser boyfriend: You wonder why we have all these problems? It's like, no matter what I say, everything goes in one ear and out the other with you.
Loser boyfriend: Nah babe, I listen to everything you say.
Girl: No, you don't–it's like I'm speaking another language…
Loser boyfriend: What do you mean “another language”?
Girl, getting upset: Nothing fuckin registers in that head of yours. We have all this shit to deal with because you don't know what the fuck I say. You say you listen but you just don't register nothing. Like I'm speaking another language or some shit!
Loser boyfriend, looking at another girl: So… what are you sayin'?

–South Ferry

Wednesday Once-Upon-a-Time Liners

Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?

–92nd St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Gordon D

Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!

–3 Train

Overheard by: I waved

Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Harper

Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.

–57th St b/w 5th & 6th

Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!

–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry

Overheard by: Laura

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!

–Prospect Park:

Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!

–Brooklyn Zoo

Overheard by: Snoog

Wednesday One-Liners Love You Long Time

Cop to 7-Eleven employee: Man, I saw the hottest hooker last night!

–23rd St

White guy: People in Boston really like whoremongering, I guess.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Man on cell: But I'm the best escort in the country!

–Chelsea

Man on cell: I used to pay for hookers.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nomo

Man on phone: The Caribbean thing… No, not the prostitute.

–Fulton St

Thugette to boyfriend: You don't have to go to Vegas to get a hooker, honey, you can just go to Atlantic City.

–Staten Island Ferry