Archive for the ‘Ferry’ Category

The Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now

Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study. –4 Train Overheard by: heather Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores. –Staten Island Ferry Station Overheard by: mindy Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy. –Psych Class, Hunter College Overheard by: I completely agree Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants. –Butler Library, Columbia University

…Wait– What?

Bike messenger #1: But we shouldn't write songs about New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I get ya.
Bike messenger #1: We're not going to get anywhere with an audience of New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally understand.
Bike messenger #1: We should write songs about fucking people… People who… People who aren't fucking paying attention to what's going on around them.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally get that. –Staten Island Ferry

There's No Money in Rolling Corpses Anymore

Delivery truck man #1: You know what's great at that Chinese spot?
Delivery truck man #2: What?
Delivery truck man #1: Their pork dumplings.
Delivery truck man #2: I'll tell you what.
Delivery truck man #1: What?
Delivery truck man #2: That's definitely not kosher.
(they laugh)
Delivery truck man #1: But wait if I take it to a rabbi to bless, can it become kosher?
Delivery truck man #2: Good question.
Delivery truck man #1: Yeah… Wow! We are on the right side of the ferry, remember when the right side was for only cokeheads and weedheads, and your mother would say “don't go on the right side of the ferry” and people used to OD and you would find dead bodies? Those were the days! –Staten Island Ferry

A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore! –50th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Kate Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it! –St. Mark's & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Hannah Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning. –Governor's Island Ferry Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday! –18th & 3rd Overheard by: Maria Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies. –PJ Clarke's

Wednesday First-Trimester Liners

Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up. –Belmont Park Race Track 20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Mike Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet! –Belmont Ave & 188th St Overheard by: Toomuchinformation Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas. –W 204th St Overheard by: JMS Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"! –Central Park