Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money? –47th & 5th Overheard by: Adam Bertocci Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money! –M14 bus Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change! –14th between 5th & University Overheard by: theNJl Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money. –Starbucks, 27th & Park Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Biotech: Me and all my sisters went to that bitch’s house.
Friend: Did you all fight?
Biotech: My sister was like, ‘You’re not fighting, you’re having a baby!’ I told her, ‘What the fuck? I’m killing it tomorrow.’
–7th St & 8th Ave
Bread vendor: Hey! Lady! Don’t touch the bread!
Old lady, squeezing bread: How am I gonna know if it’s fresh?
Bread vendor: I’ll give you fresh!
Old lady, hitting vendor with large purse in time to her speech: You. Know. What?! You’re. A. Dog! Nothing but a two-bit, Lower East Side dog! That’s what you are!
Bread vendor: Ahhh! [Old lady leaves.]
Overheard by: Bulent Akman
Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.
Overheard by: Joe
Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!
Overheard by: Ashley Nelson
Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Lizzzzz
Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.
Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.
Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous
Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Mateo que Feo
Crazy lady at crosswalk: I am a professional jaywalker! If you jaywalk, I will give you a ticket! If you don't, I will not!
Young black woman: Yo! Being who I am, I will bop you on the head.
–E 124th St & Lexington
Overheard by: waitingforthefight
A large bearded black man is holding a big white sign that reads: NINJAS KILLED MY FAMILY. I NEED $$ TO LEARN KUNG-FU AND GET REVENGE.
Drunk yuppie: Ha, ha. So dude, are you really going to become a ninja?! Ha, ha!
Black guy: Nah, man. This is just for humor. This ain’t for real. –Broadway & 76th Overheard by: M-Co
Little boy #1: I had a fight!
Little boy #2 (clearly impressed): You did? Who did you fight?
Little boy #1, gesturing at toddler in stroller: Her.
Little boy #2 (scornfully): You didn't fight her! You bit her!
Overheard by: little o
Young black teen in a fight #1: Yo, your face look like a Dorito!
Young black teen in a fight #2: Yo, you look like a slave!
Overheard by: Angana
Girlfriend: I am going to kill myself and blame it on you.
Boyfriend: Great… I’ll sign your suicide note!
–Broadway & Lafayette
Overheard by: sneakey black guy