Archive for the ‘Fire’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Light Up the Sky Like a Flame

Woman: So, I left her this really erotic message right before her hotel room burnt down. I think that’s why we didn’t get the apartment.

–2 train

30-ish lady to friend: That boy lights himself on fire every time he’s welding something. I think he likes it. He’s some kind of weird pyro.

–17th & 5th, Park Slope

British chick on cell: He what? He keeps setting himself on fire?

–Urban Outfitters, 10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Salami

Queer on cell: So, Todd said, ‘Do you smell smoke?’ It was the gay mafia! They were trying to burn down the bar.

–14th & Ave B

Tipsy 20-something: Well, at least you didn’t get set on fire. That’s the important thing.

–1 train, 72nd St station

Overheard by: Pitr

Even a Penny for Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack. –6 train Overheard by: P. Von Kant Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this? –9th St. & 2nd Ave Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya. –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Dan Arcuri

She’s the Star of Vivid Video’s ‘Catalina’s Burning Nipples’

Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!

–Uptown N, 23rd St

Overheard by: Jatmos

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael

C’mon, Baby, Light My Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sandm

Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

–E 44th St & 2nd Ave

Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!

–Union Square

Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.

–The Village

Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.

–57th St