Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea… –Columbus & 62nd St Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking. –Columbia University Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke! –Spring & Hudson Overheard by: Oscar Gamble Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity. –125th St Fairway Overheard by: Just Shoppint Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you. –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology. –Grand Central Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go? –Times Square Overheard by: jacki Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl. –White St & W. Broadway Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story.. Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this! –Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off! –4 Train Overheard by: Not High, Kumar Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose. –The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th
Inquisitive teen: What happened?
Firefighter: The blob. Came out of the sewer. Went up some girl’s cooch. –Manhole explosion, East Village Overheard by: Maxfield
FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance
Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Moy
(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay. –E Train Overheard by: Sleepy Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there! –B54 Bus Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery. –Gramercy Park
Apple executive, about owner: The way I see it, you plop down 14 dollars to listen to Kenny talk for an hour.
Fire department regular, paying check: I'd pay 24 dollars for Kenny to shut the fuck up while I'm trying to eat. –Lower East Side Overheard by: mhopkins
FDNY in uniform, waiting for firemen who were grocery shopping: He kept saying, “you're gonna get caught! You're gonna get caught!” but I just took off the tag, put them on my face and just walked out of the store!
Civilian he was talking to (looking shocked and equally disgusted): Oh. –Whole Foods, Houston & Christie
Fire truck loudspeaker to tourists blocking entrance: Please clear the area unless you want to end up as roadkill. –WTC Site, Liberty Street
Fireman on loudspeaker, as he drives by Magnolia Bakery in fire truck: It's just a cupcake! –11th & Bleecker Overheard by: Chris Disappointed 20-something girl to girlfriends: Yeah, but they don't have chocolate covered penises there. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Brookelyn Large Italian guy: What happened to my tiramisu? That's what I want to know! –LIRR to Penn Station Girl covered in pink frosting on cell: There's frosting all over me! –170th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Hipster guy on cell: Yeah, so the food was like chocolate and chorizo…mother fucking chocolate and chorizo… No, it was good… You should try it… Why not? Fuck veganism! Some website… Myjambi. M-y-j-a-m-b-i. Why chocolate? How should I know? It's for the website. Yes, the website! I don't know why the dog was there. –28th & Park Old woman to overweight woman: You look like you would know the answer to this… Where is a cupcake bakery around here? –53rd & 3rd
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting. –Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you! –LIRR