Professor: So there's this study that says that left-handed people have lower evolutionary fitness.
Student: Does that mean that we're doomed because the President is left handed?
Professor, without missing a beat: No, it just means he's going to die.
–Columbia University
Archive for the ‘Fitness’ Category
Ew, That Is So Disturbing… Who Wants the Mental Image Of Woody Allen Doing Pilates?
Guy #1: So the entrance to my apartment is on the other side. This side is a Pilates studio. Guess who comes here all the time.
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Woody Allen and his wife.
Guy #2: His wife?
Guy #1: Yeah, you know… his daughter.
–76th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Echo
…And I Am Now Unwelcome at This Gym Location.
Employee to girl leaving gym: How was your workout?
Girl: I just made that machine my bitch!
–Varick St
Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!
Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…
–NYU Dorm
Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…
–East Village
Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!
–91st St & York Ave
50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.
–Yoga Studio
Overheard by: Puff
Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.
–A Train
Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824
Round Is a Shape.
Female overweight Southern tourist #1, looking at city map: Oh my gosh! Look at how far we've walked today!
Female overweight Southern tourist #2: Yeah! We are, like, sooooo in shape!
–57th & 10th
Will This Suffice?
Woman, seeing Richard Simmons: Oh my god!
Richard Simmons, turning around: Oh my god!! I love you so much!
Woman, walking away: If I had a Twitter account I would so tweet that shit.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Commander Xander
My Body and I Don't Even Speak
Woman: You gotta eat just the whites. When bodybuilders eat five eggs, they eat just the whites.
Man: I'm not a bodybuilder.
–28th & 5th
Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
And You'll Be Sober– Is That What You Want?
Girl #1, dressed in St. Patty's gear: Slow down!
Girl #2, similarly attired, jogging ahead: No! The faster we go, the faster I metabolize what I just drank.
–58th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Not drunk yet, but Irish
There Are Two Types Of Girls in This World…
Perky trainer: Before we start the class, is there anyone with any injuries that I need to be aware of?
Chubby girl who smells vaguely of cigarettes: Does a hangover count?
–Equinox Gym, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Ladle