Archive for the ‘Fitness’ Category

The Truth Shall Set Wednesday One-Liners Free

Young suit on cell while at bar with coworkers: Yeah, I'm still at work right now, I'll call you when I'm done. –The Dubliner Bar Overheard by: Keekz Young woman on cell: Hi, dad… Yeah, I'm in New York… Yes, I'm at Grand Central, I just got off the train. –JFK Taxi Stand Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld Earnest man on cell: Yes, no, I'm driving there. I'll be there in ten minutes. What? That's a passenger. Ten to twelve minutes… Hello? I can't talk, I don't have a headset. –B Train Overheard by: Emily Skanky girl on cell walking down street at fairly slow pace: I'm like, running. –7th Ave & 47th St Overheard by: Serena

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up. –B4 Bus Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand! –Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad. –Bus Overheard by: liz Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right! –Food Stamp Office, 14th St Overheard by: Erica Schreiner African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line. –30th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: mike v

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad. –Carmine St. Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too! –by the Hudson River Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins! –Forest Park Track, Queens Overheard by: D. Scibe Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public! –15th & 7th Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god. –28th & 2nd

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay. –High Line Overheard by: Kirby NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours! –5th Ave & 55th St Overheard by: Just Visiting… Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay! –PrideFest, Abingdon Square Overheard by: proud dad Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay. –Starbucks Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some? –Hampton Jitney Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar! –Central Park Sheep Meadow

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but… –Park Slope Overheard by: Hunter Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him! –26th St & Lexington Ave Overheard by: your mom Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face. –D Train Overheard by: Jon A. Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along! –Broadway Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis. –5th Ave Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene! –Junior High School Overheard by: gabygrillz

The Kind Of Advice Dr. Phil Wants to Give

Stressed fashionista to BFF: Do you know where I can get a decent elliptical machine for $600 for my apartment?
BFF: No. Have you tried Craigslist?
Stressed fashionista: Already tried Craigslist…maybe I just need a punching bag.
BFF: I know those are on Craigslist. Look under “personals” for “sub m looking for dominant f.” –57th St & 6th Ave