A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!’” – Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Man: These girls love the orange juice taste, but they just can’t handle the pulp. –Bubby’s, Hudson St. Overheard by: Megan Buckley
A couple of black kids are pushing around a Hispanic kid, who is holding a spoon covered in chocolate pudding for some reason. Black Kid: Wipe that shit off, nigger. Wipe it off! –14th St. & 1st Ave.
A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant. Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan! –Astoria
Drunk: Where’s my boy, man? –Odessa, Ave. A
Idiot: Happiness is a sandwich. –Quizno’s, 14th Street
Lady: Let me get a half pound of ham, sliced thin,
Deli guy: Is this thin enough?
Lady: Yeah, so long as I can watch TV through it. –Bensonhurst
On Hastings Avenue in Vancouver, there is a restaurant called the “New York Bistro Grill.” The first and most prominent item on their menu reads: “New York Burger – baby shrimps, cream cheese, and guacamole”
In a hamburger joint in Vancouver: “Can I have a regular hamburger, rare, please?” Waitress: “You’re obviously not from BC. In the whole province, it is illegal to cook a hamburger in any way other than well-done.”
An older woman, ordering very slowly at a Starbucks in Vancouver, “should I get the large or the medium, oh I don’t know, I’m not really sure how thirsty I am…. ” She then turns to the six people waiting online behind her, including your correspondent, and says, “I know I’m going slowly, so you all can go in front of me” To which everyone else waiting on line behind her says in unison, “no, take your time” and “it’s okay, don’t worry about it” and “we’re not in a rush”