Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

I’m Saving It for Marriage

Barista: Would you like to try a cappuccino muffin?
Customer: No, thanks. I don’t want to start my appetite yet.

–Starbucks, 45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat


Headline by: Mandaliet


Runners-Up:
· “And i don’t want to have to shove this down your fucking throat, but i will if… Whoa… Too much soft jazz, if you know what i mean… Sorry.” – Mike Chmiel
· “Its Bad Enough My Lungs Keep Breathing” – Chuckie
· “Stomach: Let’s Get Ready To Rummmmmmmble!” – Paul K.
· “The first step is admitting you have an appetite.” – greg




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Need Extra Support

Woman on cell: He already started calling me ‘boobie’ so we did it last night.

–33rd St station

Queer: I’m so sick of her and her breasts!

–W 4th St subway

Overheard by: Jessie

Teen boy, walking into woman and child: Oh, sorry, my fault… [To his girlfriend:] See what yo’ titties got me into!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Drunk bimbette: I’m so glad I have tits. I don’t know what I would do if I were a man. I call it the power of the oyster.

–Croton-Harmon line to Manhattan

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk woman: I got ketchup on my boob and I didn’t even eat anything!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Ryan

Drunk fratboy: Show your boobies if you love the Mets! Nudity for the Mets! Nudity for the Mets!

–Manhattan bound 7 train

Overheard by: lets go mets

A Gluttonous Gaggle of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster: I found a bag of potatoes the other night, and we were throwing them at razor wire.

–Filene’s Basement

Chick: Everybody needs a pickle. He’s like my pickle.

–31st & 36th, Astoria

Overheard by: Jill

Old baker guy to young baker guy: See — the ones that are burned on the bottom — you know they’re done, so you take them out. If they’re not burned, they aren’t done yet, so you move them to the front of the oven.

–Fairway, 74th & Broadway

Old woman to friend: So then I told her, ‘Fuck you and your lamb curry!’

–3rd & MacDougal

Lady to hubby: Is this sushi not cooked?

–JetBlue terminal, JFK

Lady: He was really upset about tonight. He was all ‘Yogurt! Yogurt night is ruined!’ Shook his fists and everything.

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: KCast

Only If You Say “Aaron Burr” With Your Mouth Full Like That

Hobo: Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me get some food? Can anybody help me get something to eat? I appreciate it.
20-something girl, handing him a ziplocked sandwich: It's peanut butter and jelly.
(hobo hands it back, reconsiders, opens bag, sniffs it, and reluctantly eats it)
Hobo eating sandwich
: Cam amymumy hem me. Cam amymumy hem me geh some food that's not a peanut butter sammich. I appreciate it.


–1 Train

Overheard by: Albertro

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

How Many Lines Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman stopping passersby: Do you know the Chinese restaurant on either 8th or 9th? (points at buildings on 14th Street)

–14th St & b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Girl to another: What is jizz?

–NYU Freshman Dorm

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Man in all seriousness to restaurant server holding two plates of food: Do you guys serve food here?

–Las Ramblas Tapas Restaurant

Woman on cell: Do you think they have batteries in the Dominican Republic, or should I buy some?

–Gateway Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: DominicanEnergizer

Tourist woman: Excuse me, do I go Uptown or Downtown?

–Delancey St

Overheard by: TR

Bewildered girl in Persian class: Does Iran have lightning?

–NYU

And to Have One’s Reese’s Eaten

Girl #1: So after all that, can’ t you understand why I’m pretty much a full-fledged lesbian now?
Girl #2: In a way, but I think you could still be into guys. I have a hard time believing you don’t have feelings for Jarrod.
Girl #1: No, I really don’t. That’s done.
Girl #2: I totally support you. I just think, you know, there’s more than one way to eat a Reese’s.
Girl #1: Exactly.

–Metro North

Overheard by: ianbobian