Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat. –West Village
Daughter: Mom, is beef steak?
Mother: No, steak is steak. –Mexican restaurant, Floral Park
A group of little kids are selling M&Ms on the train, perhaps to raise money for their school’s basketballing team. Homeless black dude with silver teeth enters and proceeds to yell at them. Hobo: I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY! I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY! –L Train Overheard by: Vickers Bastard Gringo
Middle-aged man, into his cell phone: It’s an oneg-shabbat. It’s just a big dinner where everyone can meet each other and talk. It’s only a few hundred dollars for you to sponsor it. [pause] Well, it’s really not a dinner. It’s just some fruit and plates for people to pick at. – Midtown
Hipster: I wouldn’t smoke to go into that health food store – Bedford Ave, outside health food store
Customer: I’d like a bagel with Honey Walnut cream cheese.
Cashier: No Honey Walnut. Strawberry.
Customer: Is there anything besides Strawberry that’s sweet?
Cashier: We have Vegetable. But that’s not sweet. –Dunkin’ Donuts, Bensonhurst
A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!’” – Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Man: These girls love the orange juice taste, but they just can’t handle the pulp. –Bubby’s, Hudson St. Overheard by: Megan Buckley
A couple of black kids are pushing around a Hispanic kid, who is holding a spoon covered in chocolate pudding for some reason. Black Kid: Wipe that shit off, nigger. Wipe it off! –14th St. & 1st Ave.
A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant. Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan! –Astoria