Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Mama Mia, Those Are Some Spicy Wednesday One-Liners!

Ghetto guy on cell: I been wantin’ to go to Chuck E. Cheese for mad long.

–E 8th St

Midwestern girl: I just paid a hundred and thirty bucks for a meal I could have had for twenty dollars at home. [Points at Midwestern guy #1] Fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #2] fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #1 again] and especially fuck you. If I wasn’t going home with a purse full of mints and toothpicks right now, I’d punch you both in the balls.

–Outside Bobby Flay’s, 46th & 2nd

Bus driver: You know, you guys, you can step up onto the back platform. You don’t need a reservation. It’s not Applebee’s.

–M60 bus to LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kevoo

Girl on cell: Why?! Why would anyone ever get something catered by Outback Steakhouse!

–W 3rd St & LaGuardia

Chick on cell: Can you eat at Dallas BBQ in a rubber shirt?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Just Rub the Big Toe

Girl #1: Your room always smells so good, like coconuts and coffee. It reminds me of the Caribbean. What kind of candles do you have?
Girl #2: That’s not from a candle. The coconut is from the foot cream I use so my feet don’t stink and the coffee smell is there because I spilled some on my carpet and never cleaned it up.
Girl #1: Oh…where can I get the foot cream, then? –Starbucks, 17th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Is People!

Little girl to mother: I like the way you taste.

–SoHo

Overheard by: nicky d

Dude on cell: Mice are cannibalizing other mice? Oh, god, that’s awful!

–7 train, Queens

Overheard by: Anthony

Goth chick to another: I don’t care, I am not eating Matthew’s mother’s flesh!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Me neither

Ghetto dude: Heh, heh… Heh… Fried nigga-fingers!

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca Odorisio

Ghetto girl to two others: He said he was gonna marinate me for a while… Yes, he did!

–Manhattan-bound E train

Overheard by: Julz

Chick on cell: We’ll never run for office on the conservative Christian ticket now that we’ve discussed eating fetuses with teriyaki sauce.

–Harlem

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Wednesday One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth

Young woman to another: I've done some soul searching. I'm now willing to believe it's not butter.

–Park Ave & E. 79th

Overheard by: andy

Annoying lady to worker who apparently mishandled her food: Apologize to the sandwich!

–Subway, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Chick on cell: I try to eat as many acidic things as possible since I have a very creamy nature.

–35th & 7th

Girl on cell: Girrrrllll…he was meltin' me like butter last night.

–Bedford Ave & N 5th

Overheard by: Marleni

College guy: All molds are not created equal! Think about yogurt, man, it's all frickin mold!

–Columbia College Walk

Would-be CIA student on cell: Yeah, so I think my interview at the CIA went well. I think I'll really like it there. (notices people around him) …the Culinary institute of America! (everyone smiles)

–80th & Broadway

Overheard by: Roth Hall

You Mean Gay Mafia Tight?

Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight…

–The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn