Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Wednesday One-Liners for the Thirteen-Year-Old in Everyone

Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.

–Apartment Building, Midtown

Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."

–L Train

Overheard by: atrain

Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.

–1st & 15th

Overheard by: Angela

Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.

–77th & 2nd

Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."

–W 24th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan