Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

The Yankees Really Need to Hire Some Vicious British Soccer Hooligans

Yankee fan, seeing girl in Red Sox hat: Booo! Boooo!
Red Sox girl's friend: Leave her alone! She's hot! Leave her alone!
Yankee fan: Booo! Red Sox suck!
Red Sox girl's friend: She's got big boobs, leave her alone!
Yankee fan: I've seen boobs before! Booo!
(later)
Yankee fan: Red Sox suck! Booo!
Red Sox girl's friend: Leave her alone, she's hot!
Yankee fan: That's your opinion! Booo! –Yankee Stadium

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher? –47th & Madison Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score? –Doctor's Office, Brooklyn Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling? –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Didn't want the details Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick! –Columbia University Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team. –Willets Point, Queens Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Don’t Cry For Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train! –1 train Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them. –Wall St Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears! –Lower East Side Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares. –JFK Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl. –Waverly & Broadway Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing. –22nd & Park Overheard by: Champ Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature. –Brooklyn-bound R train

Scott Baio Is 45…and a Wednesday One-Liner

Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati? –Deli, Canal & Hudson Overheard by: Uncle Bling Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand. –Park Slope Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you. –Life Cafe, Bushwick Overheard by: D Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building! –W 49th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Michael Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson. –LIRR

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School

Cue Nostalgic Bouncing Montage

Middle-aged guy: So yeah, after I broke my ankle playing racquetball, I can’t really play basketball anymore.
Old guy: Well, can you still go hiking?
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I guess so, since it’s not like, high impact.
Old guy: …What about trampolines?
Middle-aged guy: Naw, man. Those days are over. –A train Overheard by: Aryn M