Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

What Was Wrong With “Bob Dylan”?

Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence]

–Fordham University Classroom

Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American

Is It Sick That I Wednesday on Their One-Liners?

Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.

–4th & Lafayette

Overheard by: andy

Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?

–Times Square

Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."

–NY Comic Con

Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.

–Fordham Law School

Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Will

Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Overheard by: Hunter (aka,

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G-Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!

–44th & Lexington